E così capita che per giorni cerchi il Natale senza trovarlo, sentendoti orfano di sensazioni, colori, suoni, odori, sapori e facce che per 27 anni non sono mai mancati una volta. Capita che ti aggrappi a ogni singola finestrella del calendario dell’avvento e nella campanella o nella candelina che si scopre vorresti davvero sentire il tintinnio o vedere la luce calda dello stoppino che brucia. Capita che gli alberelli 15 cm plastic with fake snow and a star on top will make it even more sad about what you want to be and that you are actually to be. It happens that the lights mounted on the doll out of the rooms or you remember only an amusement park of the province and nothing else.
And then it happens that you wake up one morning and suddenly you hear the Christmas screams inside, strong, loud, stinging, and you realize that before they found it was just because they look in the place or manner wrong.
Two years ago at this time going down a plane at Linate that brought home after the first six months mission, with a suitcase full of dates, and red sorrel, and a head full of dreams and plans.
now and again and again before the Sudan, but the suitcase is empty, shut the closet and I'm in the Pediatric Clinic at Mayo, few km FUO re Khartoum, on the edge a refugee camp. Behind the thin plastic wall that separates the office from the short corridor that leads into the two rooms in the ward visit and feel the first children who enter. Someone cries, the mothers do not speak and the voices are just the staff that is already at work, visiting doctors, two nurses help them and the third takes care of a patient in the ward, the pharmacist preparing his table more wine pills and tubes, the lab technician sits in front of the microscpio, the cleaner system for the day and out the roar of the generator is the background.
Now, finally, I realized that Christmas I had it under my eyes every day from October, when I came to this magical and magnificent. And here's something that has become difficult to keep inside, is a lump in my throat that holds the words and strangled, and shining eyes and confused boundaries, you goose bumps for any thoughts. But it's also the beauty of the smiles and received data to those around me, whether staff or children or mothers.
year more than ever, Christmas has to do with peace. A broad concept of peace, which involves and encompasses everything and everyone.
Out of these four white walls, unfortunately, everything is full of signs and consequences of "non-peace." Twenty-five years of civil war between north and south , the tragedy of Darfur, the tensions between neighboring states, tribal violence and famine have forced people to flee from home to seek refuge in this "non-place" a few kilometers from a city that boasts a daily serenity that is not real and artificial peace fatta di soldi e barili di petrolio. E questo non-luogo diventa tutti i giorni un ritratto reale del Natale, un presepio fatto di 300.000 o forse addirittura 500.000 persone.
Ma non si tratta solo di questo. Perchè i segni e le conseguenze dalla “non-pace” ce li ho anche addosso.
Ricordo bene una giornata che ho passato con un amico qualche mese fa, una giornata trascorsa a versare millemila parole e altrettanti bi cchieri di amaro con un’etichetta che invece consigliava l’esatto opposto. E in quell’occasione particolare mi sono sentito dire che prima di tutto il resto quello che conta davvero è far pace con se stessi. Perchè è solo così c he potremo prima o poi far pace anche con gli altri.
Non so a che punto sono, certo di strada ne manca ancora tanta. O forse addirittura sono ancora fermo alla linea di partenza in attesa di qualcuno o qualcosa che mi dia il via, o della forza necessaria per farlo. Ma il fatto di aver capito in che direzione andare mi da un minimo di coraggio, così come le persone che per un motivo o per l’altro, coscienti o no di farlo, mi stanno dando una mano.
Mi dispiace esser lontano a fare il Natale, ma credo sia giusto così. Non saranno agree with the grandmothers, I know, but I'm sure they understand that at home.
So far I have written very little because I did not know where fingers on the keyboard I would lead and I was afraid, because so many sleepless nights and days watching the sky and the Nile really take away with thoughts, but now his head is full of everything Christmas is good opportunity to let out a small part of this whole.
And now I think I understand what I should look at the chaos that fills my head and stomach. Of course then you also know co I do find, start doing it, etc. .. but we can all pole pole, and I think I know people brave enough and strong enough to be able to testify that is true.
And the thoughts continue, they run. Meanwhile, outside the cries of children increases, the cries of mothers, the noises of the staff as everyday cares.
hours I'm going to dive into my Christmas, made of hot, kids, traveling companions, made an incomprehensible language, but now it sounds familiar, hope, dreams of peace, a desire to looking for strokes and lose not.
Salam aleikum.
Merry Christmas to all.
with the heart.
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